How can I build confidence in myself, particularly as I doubt myself a lot?
This is so common – you’d be amazed how many other people deal with issues of self-confidence. You might not notice it because: A) you’re so busy worrying about your own stuff; and B) people often mask insecurity by acting tough and confident – sometimes to the point of arrogance.
Usually, a lack of confidence stems from not having received much positive feedback from important people when you were growing up. This includes feedback from parents, older siblings, grandparents, teachers, peers at school – anyone you thought was important. To that, I say, “Shame on them”. But now that you’re a grown-up yourself, you need to stop needing their blessing to feel good about yourself.
One way to do this is to write down every bit of positive feedback you’ve ever had from anyone. Start a document on your computer or jot it in your diary – wherever you can refer to it often – and add to it whenever you get another compliment. This can be from anyone about anything – from your boss saying thanks for your input on a project to the vet saying your dog is in good shape (it means you’ve taken good care of him, right?).
If a voice inside your head says, “You can’t do that, it’s bragging!” or some similar reprimand, tell it to be quiet – and see if you can identify whose voice it is. Often that’s a clue to where your diminished sense of self evolved. See this as a healthy exercise in self-esteem that someone who cares about you recommended.
You might also try rewriting your life’s story and going from zero to hero, as I blogged about here .
Your urge to feel better about yourself and more confident is so healthy and exciting. It brings to mind part of Maryanne Williamson’s beautiful quote, reportedly used by Nelson Mandela in his 1994 inaugural speech:
“We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”